World peace has long been a dream of mankind. This dream can be realized
through the proper understanding of life and proper life practices.
Understanding and love can dominate over war and discord.
Dominance is not a bad quality when love and understanding are a part of your
heart. But when a child or a man has lifelong fear in their heart then
dominance can become violence, war, and total annilation. The children of
fear are the troubled world leaders and citizens of the future. Much good
will result when these troubled children and adults are understood and they
find their place in society.
Introduction
This booklet is written for young adults, parents, and educators who have an
unrully, strong-willed, or dominant child whom they can not control or channel
into socially exceptable behavior. The technique used is very simple and will
produce a marked change in the negative behavior of the child.
Background
I am a former health and physical teacher with a background in alternative
health (natural hygiene). While teaching in the public schools of eastern
Long Island, N.Y. and Indianapolis, Indiana I discovered a simple technique to
change difficult student's negative and destructive behaviors. Many of the
schools in which I taught were inner city schools which had a common problem
of violence. Ever since the removal of corporal punishments in the schools
years earlier the students did not seem to have any true deterent from
negative violent behaviors--especially in inner city and public schools. And
many teachers in general were afraid of their students or found it much less
enjoyable to teach in this poor learning environment.
The Problem
When I began teaching I immediately noticed that some students were very shy
about touching one another. Most behaviors were more on the order of shoving
and punching rather than touching. It became apparent one day that the most
difficult children and schools to work were the inner city children and
schools. This is no secret but widely known in the teaching profession. But
what I eventually realized was the true nature of these children and why they
were so difficult to teach and to direct positively.
The inner city schools seem to have as many as half of the students delinquent
or maladjusted to schools and learning. The suburban schools I estimate to
have 25% of the the students maladjusted but there are far more suburban
schools and students. So these problem children in my experience are much
more prevalent in the inner city schools but they are well represented in
suburban schools also.
The Solution In Nature
Natural hygiene as a teaching looks to nature for the answers to our problems
and that is where I looked for an answer to my difficulties in teaching
problem children. I found it eventually when looking at the wolf and how it
disciplines its cubs.
The wolf, a fox, a dog, a cat, and most mammals need to discipline their young
cubs to stay close to the nest and close to the mother in order to be safe
from predators. If the young do not obey they are most likely killed and
eaten for lunch by some other predator nearby.
Teaching the dominance lessons in nature is a very life or death situation.
It is taught early by animals as a survival mechanism. When the young are old
enough the mother wolf will physically dominate her young wolf cub by holding
them in her mouth until they stop struggling. This gentle but firm restraint
teaches the young wolf cubs physical dominance of its mother and it teaches
the young "respect" for larger animals in general. The result of this is the
mother wolf has obedient cubs who learn well and are protected by the mother
when they are young because they stay close to her.
Today many inner city and suburban children are growing up wild and feral
becasue they never learn theses lessons of dominance and trust for adults.
They grow up wild and go about life maladjusted and problem children who
dispise authority and discipline. And they never learn proper coping and
relating behavior with authority figures.
If you wish to insure the future peace of nations then look to your own
children and teach them properly the lessons of dominance and trust. Parents
need to break their own parental bad habits of slapping, punching, kicking,
cursing, threatening, or bribing your children into submission. These
behaviors are self-destructive to yourself and to your children. And the
price of cooperation from your child will only increase as your child gets
older and wiser. Children are actually dominating their parents when their
parents cannot control them or channel them into constructive behaviors.
Everyone has seen parents who could not control their own two or three year
old child. These strong-willed children are sometimes beaten into submission
or into evasion behaviors behind closed doors and never learn the lessons of
dominance and trust. (Child abuse and death is a rising crime in most
societies.) These strong-willed children never really find their place in
society when they grow up. And they are eventually problems for our police
and prisons to deal with by warehousing them for many years of their lives.
Basically what often happens is that the problem child grows up thinking they
are the dominant member of the pack (family) because they have never learned
otherwise. In fact they are the dominant member if their parents or teachers
can not direct and guide their behavior. This role reversal is longlasting
and tragic for the child in later life when the real world must be faced.
Some men learn these lessons of dominance by having it beaten into them by
prison guards or other inmates in prison. Others die never learning them
while defying authority in a hail of gunfire or in the gas chamber for serial
murders. These are the rewards society reaps for not teaching these simple
lessons of dominance and trust to our children at a young age.
The Theory Behind the Practice
The practice of dominance and domination is widespread in our society and the
world population. We must learn as individuals to master these lessons of
dominance and go beyond them. Once we understand the process then we can
understand the individuals who are still "stuck" in the behaviors of
aggressive domination or evasive behaviors of introversion. We will become
more tolerant of their annoying behavior and we might help these children and
adults by taking them through the techinque described in this booklet.
Dominance is not a bad quality it is a fact of life. Physically a 150 pound
man is totally dominant over a child and most women in society. He can
seriously harm and kill them if he chooses. This is a physical and biological
fact of life. Men have denser and stronger muscles and tendons which make
them much stronger than women and children. Women likewise totally dominate
children physically. It is this lesson of physical dominance and size and
power which your child needs to learn in the proper manner. This is also the
lesson which many men and women need to learn and come to terms with. Once
they learn this lesson intellectually and especially emotionally then they can
develop proper coping and relating behavior with their parents, husbands,
wives, and with other authority figures. If however the child develops
evasive behaviors against learning this dominance lesson then they will never
develop the proper understanding and coping behaviors to fully intergrate into
society. They will be forever fearful of life and authority figures. They
will become the feral wild children and adults which populate our prisons and
die young in car crashes, by drugs, in gunfire, and in other careless foolish
behaviors.
What We Do And Not Do To Cause Problem Children
When I began teaching in public schools I noticed that the problem children
did not want to be touched. Some carried knives and other weapons to enforce
this behavior upon everyone and everything. "Don't touch me" was the rule of
the day in inner city schools for classmates and teachers alike. They
reminded me of the wild feral cats that I used to catch and try to tame on my
grandmothers' farm in Indiana. When you would catch one of these cats in your
hands you would be clawed and bitten like they were mad rabid animals in stark
terror of being eaten. Fear and terror is the law of the wild. It is fear
that these problem children know so well. It is stark terror of mame or be
mamed and kill or be killed. This is what these children know and it is who
they are inside. They can only develop evasive run-away behavior or violent
"don't touch me" behavior because they have never been tamed and domesticated
by learning to trust their fellow humans
These children grow up in broken homes, or in homes where their mothers and
fathers work long hours and never have the time to play and touch their own
children. Or the parents themselves are still children and have not learned
how to touch and hold their children. Many parents only know how to imitate
their parents behaviors of slapping, hitting, spanking, cursing, threatening,
and others poor behaviors to discipline their children. And the proper
discipline behaviors are never learned and passed on to the next generation of
families.
Preparation
It is important to read this booklet completely and make proper mental
preparations before you attempt to apply what you have learned to a problem
child. Understanding of the technique must be complete. If it is not then
greater or lesser discomfort for yourself and the child will be the result.
And you may risk failure in your initial attempts with this technique.
This technique works quickly and dramatically to change aggressive and abusive
behavior in children. No age recommendation is given but for smaller babies
and children this technique is often smoother, easier, and requires less time
to get results. Read this booklet completely at least three times and use the
checklist at the end to prepare before you attempt this. This technique is
much more about changing your behavior as an adult parent or educator than it
is about changing the child's behavior. The technique is uniquely simple to
do and apply. The understanding of it is what is important to gain
longlasting results in society.
Be prepared for a dramatic change and shift in the child's behavior. It may
not happen the first time or the second but it will come and you must be ready
for it and expect it. There is a strong emotional bond formed with the parent
or adult who first administers this technique to a child.
Rule One
If you care for a child enough to want to change them by using this technique
then you are qualified to administer it. If you do not relate or care for the
child then you are probably not the person to administer the technique to this
particular child. Your attitude towards the child may change eventually. It
is better to wait until your attitude changes rather than to rush to change
the child. Let your heart be your guide here not reason.
If you are not a good candidate to administer the technique then you might
look for some adult which you know the child relates to. Your spouse, an
uncle, another teacher or educator --- any responsible adult which you know
cares about the childs' welfare. Contact them and give them this booklet to
read, study, and administer the technique. In this manner much less emotional
discomfort and a smoother transition can be realized for both parties
involved. Lastly, when in doubt reread and apply rule number one.
The Technique
The proper technique is easy to teach and learn. Simply restrain the child
against your body with your arms and physically dominate him/her the next time
he/she misbehaves. Simply hold them in your arms tightly against your body
until they stop squirming and trying to get away from you or until you see the
child is becoming overly frightened. Gently reassure the child soothingly
while you restain them but do not waver from firmly restraining them in your
arms until they have ceased struggling to free themselves. Free them only if
they become overly frightened or if they stop resisting you and they submit to
you. You are teaching the child that they are a child and not an adult.
Teach them that they are physically smaller and less powerful than adults.
And teach them to listen and trust adults by showing them that you will not
harm them even when they are in the jaws (arms) of an adult.
Most problem children will not be dominated or learn this emotional lesson of
dominance the first time you grab them and restrain them. It is best not to
tramatize a child by holding him or her against their will for too long. Your
goal is not to break his/her will and spirit all in one try like a cowboy
breaking a wild horse. But rather you must slowly show a child over several
or many times that you are dominant and physically stronger. When fear and
terror are not a part of the childs emotions in trying to get away then you
can continue holding the child until he/she stops squirming and resisting.
But do not traumatize a child by trying to hold them when they are obviously
greatly disturbed and frightened of your grasp of them.
Eventually you will gain the trust of this problem child and they will stop
struggling to free themselves. If you should stop the technique before a
strong-willed child has stopped struggling then you have lost and the child
has reaffirmed his/her mental dominance over you. You must try again. If
extreme fear is not a part of the childs mental state then you can continue to
restrain a strongwilled child until they stop and submit to your superior
strenght. It is also necessary to get a verbal OK or admission of submission
before your let them go to seal your victory. This is necessary because a
child may submit emotionally but not mentally to you. Always try to get a
verbal admission of submission. ( "Are you going to be good now?" "Do you
understand me now?" "Will you try to do better next time?")
Eventually the child will become accustomed to your restraining them when they
misbehave. If you should ever suspect that a child is misbehaving in order to
get you to grasp them in your arms then you have complete victory.
Congratulations you have probably saved that child from a lifetime of
maladjustments and discontent in society. And this child will probably grow
up to be a spoiled loving adult which is well liked and respected in society.
Most children learn to touch and trust others while playing with other
children or adults in the home. An uncle or aunt that wrestles a child to the
floor and makes him submit by saying "uncle" is the most important peaceful
warrior in our society. He teaches the child a most basic lesson of
dominance.
Many people will not understand how any child can ever miss out on this basic
human experience of play. It is not a part of their experience that children
could grow up fearful of all adults and authority. But it does happen often
in the inner cities and almost as often in suburban communities. It is a
lifetime of tragedy which can be undone easily once people know how to correct
it.
Older Children and Adults
Older children and adults must be approached much more cautiously when using
this technique. If I were to apply this to schools and prisons I would
require students and inmates to practice one hour a day of wrestling, judo, or
aikido with other teachers, students, inmates, or the guards. This is ment as
play, learning self-defense (not offense), and the learning of trust from
other adults. (A strong 300 pound convict may require two or more adults to
wrestle him down and restrain him in order to learn these emotional lessons
with a mimimum of trauma to the psychic.) The same restrictions on fear and
terror apply to them. If they become overly fearful, panicked, or terrified
at being restrained they should be let up at least for a time and try the
technique again at a later time.
Older children and adults can be equally as strong as the teacher and so only
strong physical education teachers or instructors which are highly skilled in
wrestling, judo, and aikido should attempt to apply this technique to older or
stronger individuals.
Most problem children grow up wild and develop flight behavior from adults and
authority rather than coping and learning behavior. After they learn the
dominance lessons they stop trying to run away or dominate others. And they
can relax and just be themselves in society. They learn to approach adults
with the proper respect and the proper attitute for a meaningful exchange.
Both the child and adult learn self-esteem, trust, and love for each other
through communication and understanding.
A Normal Child And After Victory
Many children and adults do this technique naturally or else our society would
never have been created. Do not be shy about giving a child or adult you know
a hug or embrace at anytime to reinforce the bonds of approval, love,
affection, and respect for another. This is the glue that holds our
civilizations together. This technique is necessary for thoses who have
forgotten or never learned how to love and be a part of humanity. For
everyone else please continue with your good job of living and learning.
Dominance and Dogs
Many people with aggressive dogs have a problem child in their family ---their
dogs. An aggressive uncontrollable dog is usually a dog that has never been
taught this very same lesson of dominance and the physical pecking order. The
dog quite litererally thinks it is the leader of the pack (family) and needs
to learn otherwise. The pet owner has never learned to speak "dog" to his pet
and show him that he is the leader of the pack.
In order to speak "dog" you need to do a slightly differnet variation of the
"human" technique. You need to grasp the dog firmly from the side and then
gentle bite behind its ear. The dog will squirm and try to get away but
continue in this manner until the pet stops squirming and submits to you.
Later you can do this again and again and your dog will just hold still or
whimper his submission. You are now the "leader of the pack" in your dogs
eyes and he will learn and respond to you much more willingly in the future.
And he will look to you for guidance and comfort.
Dogs that fight for dominance in the pack will either run away from a fight or
submit by standing still, whimpering, and not making direct eye contact with
their opponent. This is how the other dominating dog knows to stop the fight
and not continue to the death by killing his opponent. The braver dogs will
submit to the dominant dogs and become their friends and playmates and the
less brave dogs will run away. But the less brave dogs might also be slow in
running away or they might get cornered and have to submit. Then they too
become a part of the dominant dogs "friend group" and they can come around and
visit without too much of a bother from the dominant dog.
Humans who kill other humans have never learned how to speak "human" and so
mame and kill out of ignorance, fear, frustration, and pain of living alone
and isolated. Hopefully this booklet will teach people how to speak "human"
and end the violence and lifelong suffering of our problem children.
The Checklist
___ I have read this booklet at least three times and understand the technique
completely.
___ I have selected a time in which I am not angry to discipline the child.
If am angry I will wait till later to discipline the child about this
misbehavior.
___ I have reviewed Rule #1 and I truthfully care for this child.
___ I have selected a proper place to discipline the child--preferably away
from other children.
___ I understand that I should discontinue the technique till another time if
the child becomes overly frightened in my grasp.
___ I understand that I should continue redoing the technique until the child
verbally submits and is visibly comfortable in my grasp.
___ I understand that the child will markedly change his/her behavior for the
better and I will be ready for this by likewise changing my behavior and
expectations of the child for the better. I will not be suprised when this
happens but will rather look forward to it. Change is a two way street.
___ I understand that I can continue to embrace the child or adult in the
future to reinforce positive behaviors and to convey my approval, affection,
love, and respect for this child or adult.
Conclusion
A handshake,a hug, and an embrace are the signs of a healthy child and a
healthy adult. Touching and hugging, in a specific manner, are necessary in
early life in order to integrate and welcome a new child or adult into the
family of mankind. If a child is not not welcomed by someone then they grow
up sad, lonely, violent, and maladjusted to society. They will often die an
early violent death and cause much suffering of others during their lifetimes.
This knowledge and technique is now available to end these life tragedies.
Please save a lifetime of pain and suffering by applying this to someone you
care enough to welcome into the human race.
Reprint Rights
Please copy, transmit, translate, and reprint this booklet/email/fax in its
entirety for distribution in any forms you wish. If you would like to help
support this cause further please send $5, $10, or $20 in any form to J.E.
Ante, The Problem Child, P.O. Box 445, La Habra, CA 90633-0445. You will
receive one copy of this booklet per $5.00 and be placed on a mailing list for
possible future updates or newsletters. (Please include email or fax address
if possible.)
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